


Letters to Sirius

by Dwarfie_Queen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Believed Character Death, Letters, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:58:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5181206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dwarfie_Queen/pseuds/Dwarfie_Queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU/ after Sirius "died" in 'The Order of the Phoenix' Harry wrote him a letter every week. He never knew that they would eventually get to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Okay so this is my first work on here so yay me! Anyway please let me know if it's just painful to read and I should stop. Or if it's really good and you would like for me to continue. Also you can kik me at miss.not.perfect, if you have anything you think I should write about.**

 

_Dear Sirius,                                                    6/20/1996_

        _I miss you so much. It's not fair, it's been two weeks since I lost you. I hate it. Without you here Grimmauld, is so empty. I miss you so much. It's not fair. You would have been a free man if only we could have had more time. I'm sorry that I believe that Voldemort actually had you. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I failed._

_I have failed so many that it's not even funny. I failed you, Cedric Diggory, Mum, Dad and all the people who look up to me. I hate it. I'm such a failure. I should have died not you. You could do so much better. You could have saved them._

_I'm so sorry. I love you. I hate myself. I love you. I will love you till the day I die. I never told you that but I love you. You were so much more than just a God-Father to me. You were my reason for living._

_Love,_

_Harry J. Potter_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm home sick today so I have nothing better to do than write more! So yay for updates!**

 

_Dear Siri,                                                    6/27/1996_

_It's been a week and two days. I miss you so much. It's not fair. I hate that I couldn't do anything._

        _I haven't been letting anyone but the twins and Remus, near me. Everybody else looks at me full of disgust. Ron and Hermione both refuse to talk to me. They tell me it's my fault. They're right, but it hurts to hear. I should have done something, anything._

_I'm losing myself. It's not good. I've been losing myself to Voldemort's grasp. Sometimes he gain full control of me. I can't even control my own body. I have had flashes of where us see everything from his point of view. It's the worst feeling in the world. I can feel when he casts the killing curse. It's the worst pain in the world. I can, I can feel there pain as they die._

_Please help me. I need you Sirius. I need your guidance._

                  _Miss you,_

_Harry_


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Siri,                                                              7/4/1996_

_It has gotten worse. Last night, he got into my head and forced me to see you dying, over and over again. I couldn't do anything to stop it. I wanted nothing more than to take your place. I would have in a moment to. I would give anything for it too have been me, not you. I hate that it was you. Tonks came to see me today...she held me and convinced me to eat. According to the twins and Moony, I haven't been taking care of myself. I haven't felt like eating or anything. When you died, so did a small part of me. I've lost weight, or at least that's what the twins told me. I don't know, I don't look at myself._

_I have to go back to the Dursley's. The Mistiny won't let me stay with Moony and Tonks. They say it's not safe, Dumbledore agrees with them. The old coot says that Moony and Tonks won't be safe if I stay with them and that I won't be safe. I don't want to go back. I doubt I will make though the summer....Dudley has only gotten worse over the past few years. I don't want to go back....but I would go back to them forever if it meant that you were still here. I would trade with you in a heartbeat._

_I need you, Siri. I need you. Ron and Hermione won´t have anything to do with me. Moony, Tonks and the twins are the only ones who have spoke to me since you died. I have an unopened letter from Charlie and one from Bill as well. I am afraid to open them though I fear that they will hate me to. I doubt that I could handle that. I´ve been having terrible thoughts. I wonder if there is a way to trade my life for yours. I would they would much rather it be you that survived inset of me. I would have rather it been me than you as well honestly. I need you Sirius. I can do this without you._

_I´m so terrible sorry,_

_Harry_

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Siri,                                                                                                                                                                      7/11/1996_

_I got back to the Dursley's today. Duddly beat the hell out of me and I didn't make a move to stop him either. I just don't want to live anymore. Nobody wants me here, I don't deserve to live. I don't want to live, not anymore. I never told you about how bad the Dursley's treat me did I? Not that I don't desreve it. Although I'm pretty sure the Malfoy's treat there house elves better that the Dursley's treat me._

_Moony misses you too, but not like I do, he didn't love you the way that I did. You were the only brother that he had left and now he's learning to live without you._

_I'm not........ You were my solace in this terribly dark world that I live in. Things have gotten so much worse, and the Wizarding World is in an uproar over Voldemort's return. Not that I really care, I don't want anything to do with him or the war anymore, I just want to protect the few people that still care for me, not that I can really do that in my current situation._

_The twins promised that they would try to figure out a way to get me out of here, even tossing around the idea of adopting me, since Moony can't. Which is so stupid, I hate that stupid rule. I might just kill myself if I have to stay here, you were my best protection here, they feared you, after all even the muggles know your name so when they learned that you are my god-father they quit the majority of their torment. How undeserving lucky I was to have your protection._

_Aunt Petunia is calling me to come make dinner, so I guess that's all for now._

_I Will Love You Until I'm Dead_

_Harry James_

 


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Siri,                                   8/12/1996_

_Sorry its been so long, the Dursley's wouldn't allow me to write while I was living with them. Luckily that has changed. The twins adopted me, I'm now working part time at Weasley's Wizard Weazers. Because I can't stand to not help.....at least a little._

_Moony helped me to get The Order to only be using a small portion of Grimmuald Place. We have used magic to lock off all the other parts, the area that the twins, Moony and I are renovating for us to live in once this is all over._

_I have your old room......I have just put away most of your things. Although I have stolen some of your old clothes. The things that smell like you or make me think of you. I also kept out the picture of you and dad at his wedding and the one of you, mum, dad and Moony.... You looked so sexy in your tux._

_I kept out one of your old sweatshirts, I sleep in it most nights....it helps to keep the nightmares at bay._

_I know that I'm such a sick boy for loving you like I do. But I can't help it. I just wish you were still here so that I could tell you.....although sometimes I wonder if maybe you were suspicious._

_I Will Always Love You,_   
_Harry James_


End file.
